I can’t seem to do anything right. I finally find a way to sleep at night, but it gets taken away. I’m a night owl, my mind buzzes when the sun goes down. That’s why I keep the lights on. I can’t sleep in the dark. It’s not that I fear the dark, it’s just that the light numbs my mind. It’s a freedom I’m rarely allowed, and it is a freedom I was punished for. It’s like getting arrested for walking on the sidewalk… I just can’t do anything right.
I gave you the one thing that no one else had had. For me it was about proving I could love after everything that happened. For you it was about trust. It was about showing me that you wanted me more than you wanted your past.
There is so much love between us, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t know what I would do without you.
I tore down every wall that I had built, just so I could be with you. I was so ready to give up the world, when you came along and showed me how beautiful the world could be.
You shared pieces of your soul with me, your most intimate parts laid bare. I love you.
I need more a short hug and a quick kiss goodbye won’t cut it anymore. I need you to hold me, to keep me safe and to tell me everything will be alright. I need to fall asleep hearing your voice now more than ever. You don’t understand the cold gets to my head it turns everything dark, no matter how bright it is. Please don’t fight me saying you know me that’s not what I need. I need the man I fell in love with. The man who holds me dearly. Not the man who looks at my body and says damn. You’ve asked me what I dream about, what keeps me up at night… it’s you. You don’t get how terrifying the thought of losing you is. It makes me sick. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I just slowly waste away hoping you’ll open your eyes and see that I need more.
I don’t need to see the snow outside to know it’s winter. Winter is something I feel in my bones… to be more precise my wrists. Some days I feel like a drug addict trying to get their next fix. Just one look at the veins and I’m clawing away trying to get a release that no longer belongs to me. Right now happy is a distant memory. I know I love my friends and my family, but they don’t see what I see. Sometimes I feel crazy. I want to get help but no matter who I ask they all seem to say I’m hopeless. I love the darkness too much to give it up, like a Bad lover I can’t get enough. It’s killing me inside… ripping me up. What do I have to do to satiate this hunger? Why can’t a hug be enough?
It is rather impressive what can happen in the short span of a weekend. A lovers quarrel can take place, leaving the lovers to feel empty like the piece of them that kept them together is gone. You can lose all in a weekend. Months of effort wasted as your name comes last on the leaderboards. You can give up. You know you have a lot of work, and that if you don’t finish it now you’ll never get it done on time, but it just doesn’t make sense. So you tell yourself it will make sense tomorrow when I’m not crying. All in a weekend your best friend can find the courage to ask their crush out. All in a weekend… A very short period of time, you can change. For better or for worse. In just one weekend you can go through so much pain… Or you can go through a great deal of happiness. It really just depends on the weekend.
When a tulip is being suffocated by weeds, we pull the weeds. We discard them in disgust. We do not tell the tulip to grow somewhere else. We do not tell the tulip to be less needy. Above all else, we do not tell the tulip to ignore the weeds choking its life.So why do we tell our children that? Why do we tell our children to hold their tears until they are alone because a bully will stop if there is no reaction? Are our children not as delicate or as beautiful, is that why we watch as there breath is being stolen. I don’t believe we should discard the bully in disgust, but shouldn’t we talk to them, isn’t it easier to stop a river at the source? You wouldn’t let a tulip die because of a weed.
Most people will tell you an itch is an annoying thing that mosquitoes give you. Granted that that easily could be the dictionary definition of an itch (Mosquitoes suck…Pun intended.) An Itch isn’t always bad, annoying, or negative. Sometimes you get an itch to do something that you are passionate about. I have an itch to write. It’s killing me all I want to do is scratch that itch. It drives me crazy, I could write all day, but it wouldn’t stop me from writing all night. That itch drives me to write, and writing drives me to live to the fullest. I guess I’m biased about it, but it does make you wonder why simple words have such negative connotations.