I used to look at the stars and dream about touching them. I had hoped their beauty would be contagious. That just one touch would make me glow. When I got older I would look out at all the flowers. That’s where I found my peace. Time progressed more and I found myself looking out at the birds trying to fly and be free. Now I’ve given up on all of that. Now I hope and dream and stare at his smile.
I stopped coming to you because you stopped being there for me.Now I sit alone on my bed clinging to light of my lamp. I still have nightmares. The horrible monsters you used to keep away came back. I miss you. I miss the man who I could run to, now I’m scared of you. I don’t know why. I guess its because you hurt me too many times. I don’t want to leave you, I love you. I love your eyes, I love how they look at me. You are not the same man. I want to go to you when I’m scared but when I open up you don’t care, you just scream and shut down. You make me feel like everything I do is wrong. You have changed…
It all started with the way he looked at me. Like without me he wouldn’t exist. I would say I was his oxygen but we all take that for granted. He is the only reason I wake up in the morning. I may not need him as much as he needs me but I do need him. Sometimes I think I stay just because I fear going back to the world that doesn’t have him in it. I try to be happy for him. Even when he doesn’t listen. I love him. Just wish he tried to I don’t know…
I looked like a princess. Elegant, beautiful, like something out of a story. My Prince looked handsome and strong. I was happy but like every good fairytale the clock struck midnight, and I was left with disappointment. My puffy red eyes that told everyone I had cried. It was supposed to be a special night, but it was tainted with possessive lust. He isn’t a new person. He has changed. Made slight improvements but he still hurts me to the touch.
I tried my hardest to be cute… To be everything he wanted me to be. I’ve let him in. I’ve let him be a part of my passions. I let go of so much. I let go of something I’ll never get back, something I can’t give anyone else. Still it’s not enough for him. I don’t know what to do. I tried… but I wasn’t enough. I don’t want to feel like this.
I dreamed your armor impenetrable, then I saw you. I saw all the flaws. It became my biggest disappointment. When did your armor become so wrought with rust? You were the perfect warrior, but now you can’t even hold a sword. I miss you. The you I first meet, not the you now. Not the you that is slowly disappearing from my life.
I hate wondering if you are worth the pain… because I’m starting to think you’re not.
I’m in love with the people who don’t see others pain. What a wonderful life it must be to see a smile and not have to guess if it’s real. I’ve given up too much of my mind for people who look at my smile and don’t see the pain. I’ve given up too much of my mind for people who caused the pain. I thought we were closer than we were. I tried telling you how I felt, but it went right over your head. I’ve never been good at being wrong. I’m sorry I wasted your time.