I’m so sick of fear deciding what I do. I love my beautiful brown eyed man. I would be lost without him. I know he loves me but that doesn’t stop the anxiety from whispering paranoid thoughts into my head. I keep trying to tell myself that he is just busy, that he is tired because he’s busy, not because he is cheating or because he doesn’t want me anymore. He is my Protector. He and I are one. We both already proved our alliance with each other. The past likes to repeat itself though, and I’ve been with cheaters and users before. I know he’s not either of those awful things. Sadly my anxiety doesn’t. I fell in love with him so easily, I just wish I could let him love me that easily.
I’ve been trying to have happy thoughts, but the darkness dyed my heart.
It aches for a man who might not love me.
When did I get so paranoid?
I know I’m pushing him away, but I just don’t know how to stop.
I feel like I broke a promise to myself.
I guess I did.
When did I become the thing I hate?
I’m disgusted with myself. I stopped looking in the mirror cause I couldn’t stomach the sight of what I saw staring back at me.
My wrists itch no matter what I do.
I’ve crossed the T’s and dotted the I’s.
I made my bed a long time ago. It’s time to go to sleep.
America never got the black plague
Instead they got the opposite instead they got the white plague.
A plague that fills your heart with greed.
A plague that makes you see skin as defining.
A plague that makes invaders think that they are home,
when in all actuality they are 4,417 miles away.
Everyday you hear about immigrants coming to our country.
Our president says he’ll build a wall.
If only the Native Americans built a wall.
They had been hunters. Traders of pelts.
But all of that changed when the white plague got too big for its content.
The Native Americans were “savages”.
Is that why we caged them, and put them in reservations?
Clearly we like poking the bear.
Even now, we still take and use what we promised them.
The White Plague is a plague that has no cure,
And no end.
Some days you just need to be happy. No matter what happens you just need to take time and be happy. Just let go of all your worries. I know it’s hard and I know everyone says it but it’s what you need to do, to say sane. Ive been surrounded by darkness so thick i couldn’t tell the difference between have my eyes closed and having them opened. That was before I met an amazing man. A man who stole the sun for me. Just to keep the darkness away. I never tell him how much he means to me, because I don’t know how. How do you tell the man that saved you how grateful you are? Thank You never seems like enough.
I’ve never felt as safe as I do in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and the smell of his cologne. I could never be happier. It always amazes me that one brown eyed man was able to kiss away my scars and wipe away my tears. When days of doubt came he reassured me, he held me tighter and he told me that I am beautiful. I thought I knew what love was, maybe that’s why it amazes me that it’s him. A man who found out I existed after a tear soaked night. A man who could have any girl but chooses me everyday. A man who I don’t appreciate enough.
Like a perfect love story it all happened by accident. He was a thief, and she was just a girl, a wizard with her words. She never knew how much she would need this amazing man. When they first met she wrote so much people thought her pen was physically attached to her. Back then she ignored everyone preferring the comfort of words. No one understood, but he did. He listened to her words and showed her the world. He is her biggest fan.
I too often write while the shadow man rests his hand on my shoulder, but I have found my savior, I have slain the shadow man that once controlled me. So now instead of scary tails of broken hearts I’m here to tell you a good story. A story where a lone writer meets her biggest fan.