Some days you just need to be happy. No matter what happens you just need to take time and be happy. Just let go of all your worries. I know it’s hard and I know everyone says it but it’s what you need to do, to say sane. Ive been surrounded by darkness so thick i couldn’t tell the difference between have my eyes closed and having them opened. That was before I met an amazing man. A man who stole the sun for me. Just to keep the darkness away. I never tell him how much he means to me, because I don’t know how. How do you tell the man that saved you how grateful you are? Thank You never seems like enough.
I’ve never felt as safe as I do in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and the smell of his cologne. I could never be happier. It always amazes me that one brown eyed man was able to kiss away my scars and wipe away my tears. When days of doubt came he reassured me, he held me tighter and he told me that I am beautiful. I thought I knew what love was, maybe that’s why it amazes me that it’s him. A man who found out I existed after a tear soaked night. A man who could have any girl but chooses me everyday. A man who I don’t appreciate enough.
Like a perfect love story it all happened by accident. He was a thief, and she was just a girl, a wizard with her words. She never knew how much she would need this amazing man. When they first met she wrote so much people thought her pen was physically attached to her. Back then she ignored everyone preferring the comfort of words. No one understood, but he did. He listened to her words and showed her the world. He is her biggest fan.
I too often write while the shadow man rests his hand on my shoulder, but I have found my savior, I have slain the shadow man that once controlled me. So now instead of scary tails of broken hearts I’m here to tell you a good story. A story where a lone writer meets her biggest fan.
I’ve been smiling a lot lately. I haven’t gotten better. I still look in the mirror and cringe. I’ve just given up on trying to let people in just to have them get angry. I am me. I just wish you could love me. I just wish you wouldn’t clip my wings because you fear I’ll fly away and never come back. I love you more than anything in the world. I don’t know how to live without you anymore. That fake smile is easier to hide behind.
I know who you are. I’ve seen you around before. I’ve even walked with you hand in hand. But you feel different now. Emptier now. Eyes once filled with love and care now look at me with disdain. Where did I go wrong? That goofy smile that used to make you smile back just isn’t enough anymore. Your lips emit the sadness that you refuse to show. Your hand no longer swings as we walk, instead, it falls limp at your side. When did I stop being good enough? When did I stop making you happy?
It’s coming back. The cold days. The darkness. I just want it all to end. I just want to be left alone. Instead my only comfort is the voices that scream at me for little mistakes. My wrists itch. My head aches. I’ve been crying more. It all comes back to the same thing. A fear I never thought I’d gain. Tears stream down my face, as I use another wish to wish her away. She might not even be real, but I can’t take the chance. Another wish made. I cry and scream I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry Caimry I’m not ready yet.