I need to write. You will never understand. As a kid my mom used to tell me to draw my nightmares, and to rip them up. That was how I proved to my demons I was stronger. Soon the nightmares gave up. But they didn’t give up forever. When they came back, they came back stronger. I tried to draw them, but they were immune to that attack. So I wrote about them, day and night I wrote.
Writing was like holding a torch in a dark hallway, or like sitting by a fire at night. It keeps the darkness away as long as I keep fueling it. I need to write. To keep sane.
We had all day together. Still doesn't seem like enough. You started to say goodbye and I was already missing you. In that moment I wished harder than I ever had. I wished that your house and my house would refer to the same thing, but it doesn't. All the hugs and kisses in the wold aren't enough to stop that empty feel I get when you're not around. I need you in my life. Even the roughest road wouldn't make me think twice about that. I love you JRC. You are my one and only.
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin' stars?
I could really use a wish right now.
Okay, so I'm going to rant. This is a serious matter though.
Have you ever been watching a movie where there is a plane crash? Now the plane crashes and the main person seems to think that planes fly themselves (we are ignoring the fact that they are the only ones to survive, unless they have a kid). Planes need pilots. Pilots are really cool people too, like you shouldn't just dis them.
Now I know a few movies include the pilot, but a few isn't enough. Just remember them if you get into a plane crash.
I feel better now.
They say the pen is mightier than the sword because it can rewrite history. But the sword makes history. Trust me when I say the rewrite is the easy part. There are a thousand tools to help edit, but only the writer can write the first draft.
The pen is mighty but not mightier than the sword. Just like ying is not mightier than yang.
What would you like?
That’s simple I want him. I want a future where I go to sleep in his arms. I want a life that has me waiting with our beautiful child, for my handsome man to come home. I want to know that I’ll see him every night.
Oh yes. I couldn’t think of a better life. Who wouldn’t want to sit on their couch on an off day and kick their lover’s butt in any video game? I know what my future holds, if I play my cards right. I know what I want.
What do you want?
I want him, for the rest of my life.
When the nightmares came I ran to him. He held me all night. He is my safe place. He is a marvelous man. Always ready to keep me safe. He is a fierce lover. I don't know what I would do without him. I hate that I doubt him as much as I do, but he isn't the first safe place I've had. He will be the last though. He is the only man (women too) that I want. My days of doubt are over. I won't let what ifs cloud my love for him. He is my safe place.
All day long I got to see that smile. The way he pulled me close to kiss me, had me going crazy. A whole day with the man of my dreams it was perfect. Except for the three minutes that some random chick was staring at him, but a long kiss and a loud I love you made short work of that. I don’t know how I got so lucky. The entire world seemed to disappear when he talked to me. He wants me in his life. The first man to actually care. I can’t get over his dark chocolate eyes. He is better than a knight in shining armor. He is my everything.