Fingers Intwined

I love looking over at you and seeing that smile. I love knowing that you are there right beside me. All my wounds have healed, and the only thing cracking my face is the truth. I cling to the end of my sleeves my knuckles turning white. I’m afraid to reach out for you just to find out it’s a dream. I want to hold your hand because the thought of losing you petrifies me. I can’t lose you. I’ve lost too much. Why do you make me so happy?

The Smile Is Back

He smiles because of me. Me, I make him smile! I’m so happy. I don’t feel worthless anymore. We were walking together today, I was smiling so hard I almost cried. I just feel so safe and free with him. I don’t have to be on guard around him because the past doesn’t matter anymore. I just wish I could hold his hand. We walk so close together and it takes everything I have to not reach out for his hand. I know how weird and creepy that sounds. I love being around him. Damn that smile of his, it’s making me loose my mind.

Wishing It Was Over

I’m sitting here hoping life will work itself out because there is nothing I can do. Why am I falling for you? I wish things were different. I’m at the point where I’m wishing wishes came true. Your eyes do things to me that I can’t describe. Please don’t leave. I’m wishing it was over just as much as you. I thought I was crazy before, but now I’ve completely lost it. I used to live for writing, now I live for your hugs, your sweet smell, your contagious smile. I guess you could say I live for you.

The Pain Of Yesterday

The pain of yesterday will no longer hold me back. I will not hide anymore. I am me, and no one will change that. I am beautiful and smart. I will no longer let the past hold me back. The pain of yesterday has haunted me for long enough. I’m finally ready to live today. I no longer walk this road alone. I have friends who are there for me. People who care so much about me I can’t even put it into words. I’m finally free from the pain.

Long Sleeves

I have never been so afraid of losing someone. My best friend was pissed when she found out. I felt so worthless. I think I love him. Why did I try to push him away? Why am I terrified? Most people have no problem loving, but it terrifies me. I don’t want to be that open with someone just to find out it’s a fling to them. I keep trying to tell myself that it won’t work, that a year isn’t long enough, that we both have too much on our plates, but when I look at you the world fades away and I’m happy again. I keep hoping that if I really believe it won’t work, I’ll stop thinking about him, stop thinking about how much I want to be with him.

Lost

I don’t know what I would do without him. Amo Julius, but I can’t tell him.  I don’t know what to do. Telling him won’t change anything, just make me feel a little better. Telling him would probably make things worse. It’s bad enough that I can’t look at him without wanting to kiss him, and that it takes everything I have not to reach for his hand when we walk together. It’s driving me crazy, but I can’t let him know. I try so hard to fight the depression, but it’s about to win. I have to push him away. I can’t let him get hurt because of me. If I tell him he’ll leave, so why can’t I say it. Amo Julius.

Amo Julius

I can’t stop thinking about him, but I have to. These thoughts are killing me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to fake the smile anymore. I’m practically in love with him. I wish we could be together, but wishes don’t come true. He taught me that. I fell like I’ve been tore apart. He makes me so happy, but as soon as he’s gone I’m balling my eyes out. I don’t want him to leave, but it would be selfish of me to ask him to stay. I just want to be with him. Just for tonight can we pretend airplanes are shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now.