I just had to sit there, and listen. There was nothing I could do. Nothing would make it better. I couldn’t even cry. I had to just sit there and listen to him scream. His hate was clear, and I could not escape it. I fought the tears, fought that burning in my chest that told me how scared I was. No where was safe. I wanted to run, to get away, but I couldn’t I had to it there, and listen. I had to act like I was fearless, it was a lie. I was terrified. But I just sat there.
One day everything will get better. I’m sure you have heard it before, and I’m sure that hearing it from me will not make a difference. I promise you it will get better. Even if it doesn’t stay that way, the little time you get is still something right? Looking for the positives in life helps a lot more than you might think. One day everything will be ok.
I am free of the chains that have caused me so many problems. No longer am I afraid. No longer will I hide. I am free. No longer am I a cadged bird. No longer am I sad enough to weep. I have found happiness again. This time it’s different. This time I will not be blind. I am getting better. I am strong enough now to face my so called demons. The best part is I’m strong enough to smile at them, because that is the best revenge. Smiling at someone who so badly wants to see you hurt.
I used to think that I walked alone. Truth is I don’t. I want to thank everyone who has been there for me on this dangerous road. I want to thank those who stayed even when I tried pushing them away. If any of you need me I’ll always be a phone call I owe you that much. I also want to thank everyone whose life ain’t great, I want to thank you guys (and girls) for sticking with it. I promise you can get through it. You don’t walk alone, none of us do.
I didn’t mean to message him, but I’m glad I did. He is an amazing distraction, and I have certainty needed one. It feels good to know that people still care. He has no reason to, until that text we were practically strangers. Now we’re friends. He has helped me through so much, even if it has just been a week. I don’t know why he cares, and it is not from lack of asking. He is so strange, it’s a good strange. The kind of strange that makes you want to smile. I am so glad I accidently messaged him. It has made my life a little more bearable.
How stupid do you think I am? Did you really think I would fall for that? You really don’t know me. You don’t scare me. What does hating me accomplish? You know I won’t change, so why try? Haha, ugh you must be really desperate. How does it feel to have no power? I am done trying to reason with you. I am done trying to be friendly. It is over, there is nothing you can do to change it. It is life. Move on.
He had so many smiles he decided to share. I definitely didn’t complain, all of my smiles seemed to be upside down lately. It all started with an accidental text meant for one of my best friends, a quick apology I thought he would never answer, and a late night spent talking to him. I thought that would be the end of it but I was gifted an amazing surprise. I was gifted a smile as I read the message he had sent. After the night I had and the day I would have I really needed this smile.